


To Love Someone That Much

by LastHope



Series: Missing Scenes [4]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/F, Infernal Devices References, Light Angst, M/M, Magnus gets a talking to, Post-City of Heavenly Fire, Pre-Malec make up, Referenced past character death, References to events earlier in the series, Sympathy, light humor, self-consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:24:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8045713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastHope/pseuds/LastHope
Summary: Helen imparts some words of wisdom on Magnus about his past, and current, relationship with Alec before she leaves for Wrangel Island.





	To Love Someone That Much

“If it means anything, I voted for the Clave to allow you to remain on active duty.”

“Thanks, but it doesn’t, not really.”

Magnus didn’t really know Helen Blackthorn. Quite honestly, he had never actually met the girl before. He vaguely remembered her from November, back when she and the other girl (Alice, had it been?) had covered for them at the Manhattan Institute so they could go fight Sebastian’s army of Endarkened without getting in too much trouble by the Clave. Of course, the situation had reminded Magnus of one similar from one hundred and fifty years ago, and he had been quick to forget.

“Aline and Alec are good friends,” Helen commented, green eyes staring off to the corner where Alec and Aline were standing. Magnus looked over as well, watching as Aline (he hadn’t been _that_ far off with her name) gesticulated grandly with her arms, her and Alec in the middle of what looked to be a particularly animated conversation. He appeared happier, Magnus noted, worry finally easing from his features where it had once seemed to be a permanent feature. "She told me that Alec was the one who inspired her to come out to her mother. Because of your scene prior to the Battle of Brocelind Plain.“

"It wasn’t really  _my_ scene,” Magnus said, but offered no other protest to Helen’s words. That was one moment of his life that he remembered vividly, and probably would  _always_ remember vividly. It had just been one callous, offhand remark that inspired an enormous change in Alec’s life. "And I’ve always felt that the Clave was always a bit dated with their views on homosexuality.“

"The Clave is a bit dated on a lot of things,” Helen agreed, dragging fingers through her hair. It was put in a ponytail, something that Magnus most certainly hadn’t been a stranger to in his years of life, but she had the sides left loose, sweeping down over the sides of her face. Hiding her pointed ears.

Magnus was no stranger to hiding one’s abnormalities, and certainly Helen had a good reason to be self-conscious about her ears. He gave thought to saying something to Helen, encouraging, maybe, or something like things would get better even though they most likely wouldn’t. Helen was staring at him, however, he noticed, with a look in her eyes as though she was sizing him up. Magnus was used to those kinds of gazes, and just waited patiently for Helen to say something.

“Meliorn was the one who betrayed the Council members,” Helen finally spoke, eyes pulling away from Magnus, her gaze returning to Aline.

“Yes, I am aware of that,” Magnus looked over to the pair as well. There was a smile gracing Alec’s lips, something that Magnus hadn’t seen in quite a while. Barring their time in Edom, and mandatory Council meetings, this was probably the longest time Magnus had spent in Alec’s presence.

Now that he had the chance, he could look over the Shadowhunter, drinking in his features. Remembering visits from angry, upset, friends, words echoed through his head.  _He hasn’t been eating-_ _hasn’t slept in days- is miserable- **What do you** **care?**_

“Were you aware that he is now dead?” Helen asked, inspecting her nails idly.

“No,” Magnus replied, distracted, still looking over Alec. He did look thinner than Magnus remembered, the area under his eyes a bit darker, but that could have just been because of the ordeal of traveling through Edom, not necessarily because of-

“Then I suppose,” Helen continued, a bit louder than before, the air about her complete nonchalance, “That you were also unaware that  _Alec_ was the one who killed him.”

“ _What?”_ Magnus all but ripped his gaze from Alec to look at the blonde. She didn’t look up from her hand, but Magnus could tell that her gaze was steel. “You’re joking. Alec would never-” Magnus cut himself off.

_Would_ Alec never do that? Magnus didn’t know for certain. Once upon a time, Magnus would laugh at someone saying that Alec would be capable of killing someone. Alec, who hadn’t killed a demon until he was eighteen, who couldn’t even _look_ at a spider without flinching, who always found a way to solve a problem _peacefully_ , capable of killing someone? It was just a punchline to a joke, Magnus would have believed weeks ago. But now, it seemed, Magnus just kept learning new things about Alec.

“Oh, I don’t think he would _never_ do something like that,” Helen said airily, picking at one of her nails. "Not without good reason, of course. Do you want to know  _why_ Alec killed Meliorn, Magnus?" She didn’t give Magnus time to decide whether or not he wanted to hear the answer.

"He killed Meliorn because of _you_ , Magnus.” The words were like a dagger being driven into Magnus.  "For you, really.  Do you understand that?“  Helen had finally raised her gaze from her hands, drilling her green eyes into Magnus’.  

"You hurt him,” Helen continued, her voice still low, low enough that they weren’t attracting attention from any of the Shadowhunters around them. "You abandoned him, and made it out to be  _his fault entirely_. But he still loves you. He loves you enough that when _your_ life was in danger, he  _killed_ someone for you. I mean, yeah, Meliorn deserved it, but still." Helen jabbed her index finger sharply into Magnus’ sternum.

"You broke up with him,” Helen drove her finger in, eyes flickering quickly to the pair in the corner and back, as if making sure that neither witnessed the scene occurring. "And that was your choice, I get that. And I am not here to tell you that you need to get back together with Alec. I am here to tell- no,  _order_   -you that you need to make up your damned mind about whether you still love him or not.“

Magnus’ mind scrambled to find some other retort rather than a crass ‘you’re in no position to be ordering me’, but he did not procure one before Helen moved forward.

"Because I know about what you did to Alec prior to him coming to Idris,” She removed her finger, hand clenching to a fist as she dropped her hand to her side.  "And I hope you realize that that was a  _really shitty_ thing to do to him. But he still loved  _you_ enough, even after that, to _kill_ someone for you.“

Helen took a deep breath, and stepped back, so there was more space between them.

"And now,” She stated calmly. "You need to decide if you actually love him like he does you, or if he’s just another  _plaything_ for you.“

Magnus took a deep breath of his own, letting it out slow, looking over at Aline and Alec.  He was laughing, and Aline had thrown her arms around his neck, hugging Alec, practically hanging off of him due to their height difference. Something tugged sharply at Magnus’ heart strings. He sighed, looking away.

"Even if I did,” He said slowly, looking at Helen. “It seems he has found someone else.” Helen quirked an eyebrow, eyes glancing over at the pair. A wicked grin came to her lips as confusion resolved from her eyes to form mischievousness.

“Oh, I hope not,” Helen said, with a tone that held knowledge unknown to Magnus in it. "Because I would dreadfully  _loathe_ to lose my girlfriend to Alec.“

And without another word, Helen turned and headed to Aline and Alec, leaving Magnus staring after her, speechless.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was initially written as a thank you gift for getting 200+ followers on Tumblr almost 2 years ago. It also fits in with my Missing Scenes series, even though there is no quote in the beginning for how it was inspired. But really, I think this is a missing scene from the series because someone needed to kick Magnus in the pants to make up his mind about Alec, and Helen was the person to do it. Camaraderie, but also slaps in the face.


End file.
